just thought i should say hi

since i was around this site anyways.. i thought i'd say hi.. and tidy up a bit. like it? me too :D

tired.

tired of the saame ol' shit.
scared of tmr.
get back to u never.

haven't blogged.

and won't be blogging here anymore.. sigh i gotta settle down =_=.

i found you.

again. and I'll find you again and again. Because there's never going to be an end to this. This realization hit me, a couple of hours ago. I still find you amazingly beautiful, and as much as I want to let go. There's no more way to do that, no more distractions to keep me, no more excuses or link to keep you away. I just really want to be with you. It's changing me from the inside out. I hate it. But I can't help it. I want to just give up, and give in. I'm still resisting. But I just really can't stand it anymore, I never could in the beginning. I got to stop finding you. You're not helpless, you don't need me and my shame. I found you again, please don't get lost again. Or I'll really have to resort into leaving you to find yourself, by yourself.

My haunting.

I thought everything was over, and done with. Yet with everything that I've been through. The saddening reality, that you've put me through. The salt the tears leave my eyes every morning. I want to forget it all. But you ALWAYS, always come back to haunt me. And the pain, keeps coming back. Like opening a healing wound, and this time, it's back to strike me three times as hard. When am I going to put you behind me, once and for all; When are you going to be done haunting my life. The mere thought of deleting your pictures, gives me a churning feeling in my stomach. I can't help but feel worse, everytime there's something new about your life, because I have access to it. I want to take all of that away, and just forget. As much as the good times were AMAZING, now they just hurt more than the bad times. Like a hurricane inside me again and again. I'd rather forget. Because I never loved anyone as much as I loved you. I hate saying that, because as truthful as it feels, reality is a harsh mistress, and it doesn't help that you're begging to be under her wing.

I don't want to resort to being numb to forget about you. Maybe I just need the perfect distraction. To distract me enough, to finally stop thinking of only you, day in and out, trying to compare people of how they're LIKE you. I just want it to stop. But even if I wanted to, I still can't resist you.

apologies don't work if you don't mean it.

But I do mean my apologies, for being such a jerk, and a moron. I look foolish enough, it's so embarrassing to even show my face to you. I don't expect it to be okay right away, I'm just sort of glad, I can breath sort of easily-ish now y'know?

HaH!

still confused. obviously im the problem. well. i'm not settling this here. expect a phone call / a visit. shut me away if you want, but I don't give up so easily, friend. If you still want me to refer to you as that. AREN'T YOU ALWAYS RIGHT anyways.