Do you actually believe that I have fucking time for the dishes? You say put myself in your shoes, HAH, if I did then I'd never see my children again won't I?. When was actually the last time you spent time with your family? On Sundays? Then what? Work again, and again and again.
Wow dad, you actually got the balls to tell me that. Why ofcourse, it's okay if you're not home all the time, and when you're home you actually catch me doing some homework, or fucking sleeping.
5:oo am, I was dreaming about my little girly girl crushing on this boy from a land that I FUCKING HATE, then *KNOCK KNOCK*. I look at the time it's fucking 5 in the morning. Yup. It was my dad. I had a 30 minute lecture about not doing the dishes. It took me 10 minutes to do them right after his MAGNIFICENT SPEECH about responsibility and how I lack it. Thank you for basically telling me, change yourself because you're getting worst and your attitude right now will determine whether you're successful or not, your irresponsibility is drawing you farther away from the family, from the pack. Do I look like a fucking wolf to you?
I'm sorry dad. I love you to death. Probably even more. But how the fuck can you look me straight in the eye, and tell me that I'm basically the most horrid person out there, that I'm not worthy enough to chose for my own, breath by myself, and act on however I like. It's the fucking dishes for FUCK'S SAKES.
June.
I'm going to try my hardest to be someone I'm not. Someone who's responsible, kinder, caring, happy, and all the bullshit that I'm not. I will try. For everyone. You'll still see me. It's just that, It won't be me. I'll put on my mask again, and those who can see through it will get it and hopefully play along or maybe help me out. But again. June is a time for change. A "change for the better" as they say it. I'm sorry dad. I'll be what you want me to be. I can usually talk back to you. But this time I didn't. I deserve it dad. I know I've been irresponsible. I guess it would take a hypocrite to tell me that.
I'm glad I didn't go to school today. But it kind of sucked how I didn't go to school because I wanted to skip. I try to be bad; but I'm bad at it. I was actually sick when I got up. (I went back to sleep after doing the royal dishes from ikea) I felt the sudden fluid rush in my head and heard a consistent beeping noise. Much like when a person is hearing something, but it's actually dead silent in the room. It was kind of creepy, and what was worst was I couldn't move at all, my body felt dead, and the early morning speech did not help. So I decided to take an extra 30 minutes in bed and skipping my usual morning runs. By the time the alarm ringed, I felt so hot.Hot as in fucking burning. I was sweating like crazy, my breathing was shallow and windows were open. When I tried to get up, I fell on my face because I was effing dizzy. My vision was actually spinning as in, merry go round fucking spinning. I layed on my back and yelled for my mom. I'm glad my mom was home. When we took my temp, it was about 41 degrees C. My fucking proteins were probably denatured by that time. Long story short, we went to the doctor, doctor give meds, doctors (hospital doctors) are stupid and should not get paid so much just because they went to school for 12 years to tell me that I have a fucking fever. I think it was already established. Sigh, it only made me angry. I feel like the hulk. RAR.
Got back from doctors, TALKED TO MAH broseph, Mr. Cody Blanchard ( : . Who i think was totally harassed by the school principal coz of some black mental job. Any ways, he basically made me feel better via phone convo, and made my day, coz the rest of the day was a nut job. nyaaah.The rest of the day went, okay. Gonna do hw soon. Hopefully I don't wake up with another protein-denaturing fever. God, excuse my foul language and my anger.
Later 'Gaters
Ange
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